Thursday, August 12, 2010

Weekend Listomania (Special Does This Dress Make Me Look... Audio/Video Edition)

Well, it's Friday and you know what that means. Yes, my lovely Oriental manual elevation specialist Fah Lo Suee and I will be applying for jobs with the Professional Left Corporation, an enormously powerful, albeit drug-addled, outfit which, if presidential spokesman Robert Gibbs [D-Would Have Defended Herbert Hoover] is to be believed, has several lucrative management positions available for a chap like me.

But in the meantime, here's a fun little project for us all to help wile away the hours:

Best or Worst Post-Elvis Pop/Rock Song Referencing a Body Type in the Title or Lyrics!!!

No arbitrary rules this time out, you're welcome very much, but when I say body type I mean exactly that, which means that songs referencing a specific body PART are disqualified. In other words, we're talking short, fat, tall, skinny, etc. So don't try to sneak in any of that "Bette Davis Eyes" crap, okay?

And my totally top of my head Top Six are:

6. The Easybeats -- Good Time

"Boney Maronie's gonna be with Jim/Long Tall Sally's gonna be with Slim/Short Fat Fannie's gonna be there too..."

You know, sometimes I think this record contains the secret of the Universe.

5. The Kingsmen -- The Jolly Green Giant

It really was all downhill for this bunch once they kicked out the guy who actually sang lead on "Louie Louie." And as for this rather appalling song, I suspect it was the inspiration for that famous Johnny Carson ad-lib: "I'd like to see somebody run up to the Jolly Green Giant and say, 'Ho Ho Ho yourself, you big queer!'"

4. Sir Mix-a-Lot -- Baby Got Back

I can't help it, this song still cracks me up. And I would like to say that I was delighted to live in a world where Sir Mix-a-Lot was a celebrity, however briefly.

3. The Cure -- Siamese Twins

Ah, the ever sunny-dispositioned Robert Smith. Upbeat as always.

2. Stewie Griffin -- My Fat Baby Loves to Eat

Have I mentioned lately that Seth McFarlane is a goddamn genius?

And the Numero Uno musical paean to physical diversity simply has to be and I will brook no dissension in that regard...

1. The Rainmakers -- Big Fat Blonde

He's talking "six-foot Swede/40-30-40/Amazon bombshell/Tall damp and dirty." Not to mention "hubba-hubba. HUBBA."

Alrighty then -- what would YOUR choices be?

[Shameless Blogwhore: My parallel Cinema Listomania -- theme: black and white movies you really, really hope nobody ever colorizes -- is now up over at Box Office. As always, if you could see your way to leaving a comment over there despite the clunkiness of the new commenting system, it would make it easier for me to hit management up for a bonus and thus facilitate my upcoming return trip to Dayton Ohio, France. Thanks!]